When you were 5 years old I put you on a school bus on the first day of kindergarten.  I smiled to cover my anxiety and sadness.  I followed the bus and watched you get off and go into the school.  I cried all day and didn’t stop until you got off the bus at the end of the day.

When you were 13 I had to let you go every other weekend.  I had to give you up for half of every holiday… and I died a little inside every time.  It never got easier, and I cried a lot. 

Today I moved you into your college dorm.  I helped you unpack and feather your new nest.  I am so excited for you, and I tried so hard to ease your fears, while pushing down my own. 

It seems like yesterday you were that newborn that I couldn’t bear to leave.  Today I drove away with an aching heart…sadness, pride, joyousness and thankfulness all fighting within me…

…while I cried.

Dear God,

This is hard.  It’s hard to be so much in need all the time.  It’s hard to see others with so much and have to continually battle envy.  It’s hard not to resent the “haves” and not cry about being a “have not.”

But then I stop.

I’m not a “have not,” I’m a “have less” with different blessings.  I have 2 children I love and who love me.  I have many REAL friends.  I have a great family, and I have had your presence to sustain me, Lord.

Help me to want less, Lord.

Help me to envy less and thank you more.

Help me to worry less about what I “have not” and be truly grateful for what I have.

Amen…

My Baby Is 18!!

I can’t believe it’s here…my darling daughter is 18 today.  18!!! 

There are so many things I haven’t taught her yet…so many failures on my part to teach her what she needs to know before she goes out into the world.  Table manners?  Check.  Wait an hour after eating before swimming?  Check. 

But she still doesn’t know how to budget or balance a checkbook…

 Can I get more time, Lord?? I’m not finished yet!

I thought I had lost it forever. 

When I had to leave my home during my divorce, I left behind extensive gardens that I had been working on for more than 10 years.  Gardening was my passion, my creative outlet, my therapy. 

Then I had to leave it, and it was devastating.  I left that house in December, so in Wisconsin that means it wasn’t able to be dug up, and I was moving into a rental, anyway.  I felt the loss of my gardens keenly, and it hurt so much I stopped looking at gardens and landscaping, magazines and catalogs – all of it.  I thought the passion had died.

Last year my Dad tilled up the space between the two porches of my duplex.  I got a few plants “gifted” from friends gardens, and it made me happy.

This year?  The plants have  already been dug up and moved  around; I’ve bought new ones, divided some, potted several pots and baskets and am frustrated that I don’t have room for more!

It’s back.  The passion for gardening is flowing back through me and making me happy again.  It hadn’t died, it had just been pushed down while I dealt with all my other losses.  Now I know there will be other gardens in my life and that love will always be there when you are ready for it to blossom again.

Photo

OK, no more excuses.

It’s time.

I’ve been planning this forever.

I’ve used too many excuses to delay starting.

“Someday” is here.

It has to happen.

I’m scared.

I’m excited.

I’m creating the life I want.

I’m going to become the person

I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I’m going to design a life for myself.

It’s time.

My daughter graduated from high school last weekend.  We had her graduation party the day after, so I haven’t been blogging due to intense stress and exhaustion! There was excitement, but it was also bittersweet for me – it was a letting go…my little girl is grown up.  She turns 18 in a couple of weeks and then we have her college orientation a day after.  I’m not ready to let go yet!

My mother used to tell me that the two greatest things we can give our children is roots and wings.  Roots to a family bond that keeps them grounded when they are away, and wings so that they can fly off and fulfill their own lifes purpose.  I have tried to give my children deep and strong roots.  The wings part?  Well, we shall soon see.

In addition, she has since ordered several more of the same necklace – she gave one to her daughter-in-law Keren at her graduation from medical school.  Kim shared this with me:

“My daughter-in-law was in line at Walgreens in Milwaukee when the check-out girl told her how beautiful her necklace was (the one you made identical to mine).  Keren proceeded to tell her that her mother-in-law gave it to her.  The girl then said “I wish I had a mother-in-law like that!”

Kim recently sent me this photo showing both her and her daughter-in-law wearing their necklaces. 

This picture shows Kim’s daughter Tess wearing a different front toggle necklace I made her using black more black onyx and Sterling.

Aren’t they lovely?  Thanks, Kim, for being such a good friend and such a great advertisement for my designs!

So just for you, Kim, here is my most recent necklace (already on display at Trends and Traditions) …a front toggle necklace with Swarovski Crystal, Swarovski pearls and Sterling Silver.

More to come, too!

I attended my daughter’s last high school choir concert last night.  One of the songs was a particular favorite of hers because it’s so lovely, plus it’s from “Gabriel’s Oboe” and she is an oboeist.

The words to the song were in the program and I fell in love with them too.  Although they sang them in Italian (beautiful!) I will just give the English translation as it was shown in the program.

Nella Fantasia (In My Fantasy)

In My Fantasy I see a world of justice,

Where all people live in peace and honesty.

I dream of a world where spirits will be always free;

They will be ever free like floating clouds

Full of humanity within the deepest soul.

In my fantasy I see a world of radiance

Where darkest nights are ever brighter.

I dream of a world where spirits will be always free;

They will be ever free like floating clouds

Full of humanity.

In my fantasy I feel the caress of the warm wind

That breathes over the city like an old friend,

I dream of a world where spirits will be always free,

They will be ever free like floating clouds

Full of humanity within the deepest soul.

 Music by Ennio Morricone and lyrics by Chiara Ferrau

No idle tidiness on my beading table…I am and always will be a creative mess!

This is the most popular purse in my collection.  Several of my friends have borrowed it for their wedding day, as well as a couple of friends of my daughter for prom. It is patterned with sequins and crystals sewn on to it and is a lovely ivory shade, making it a perfect vintage accent.

Here’s another bridal/prom favorite. It is embroidered all over with white seed beads and sequins.

Here’s one that my mom gave me…I’m not sure where she got it from…probably on one of our shopping trips when I had already bought too much and couldn’t justify another antique purse!  It’s a really pretty lavendar and covered in seed beeds, although it really doesn’t show in the photograph.  It has an embellished lucite handle that is gorgeous.  I don’t know when I got custody of this purse, either, but that was probably my mom’s plan all along… 

While I love my huge purses, there is a part of me that wishes to be back in the time of elegance, when all a woman needed to carry was a lipstick and a handkerchief in a gorgeous purse like this.