I Am Too Much…

September 25, 2012

I laugh too loudly.  I care too much.  I cry too easily.  I worry a lot.  I over think things. I ask too many questions.  I am too nice.  I  yell too much at sporting events. LOUDLY. I let too many things bother me.  I love too much.

I am who I am and have spent too much of my life apologizing for being “too much.”

Deal with it…or don’t.

Changing Seasons…

September 3, 2012

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It’s September again! I can hardly believe so much time has gone by!  My daughter is packed and gone for her sophomore year at school, and tonight is my sons’ last night of “freedom” before starting his sophomore year in high school.  This always seems like more of a time to make resolutions than New Years for me.

My son and I have made some resolutions – to try more new things, one of them being food.  No more same old, same old for us all the time.  At least once a week I’m actually going to COOK one of those hundreds of recipes I’ve pinned on Pinterest!

I’m going to start blogging again, and I’m going to put more time into my jewelry business again.  The new position I got at work came with much more hours and stress and my well ran dry creatively.  I don’t like living this way however, and I miss creating so much!  I need to find my artistic side again…

I need my friends more.  I have been so tired I haven’t made time to be social.  That needs to change.  My friends are the best and have been there for me through thick and thin.  Housework can wait. There will always be bills to pay.  I need my friends NOW.

I was recently in the hospital and was very sick.  I was very fortunate to have gotten good news from the myriad of tests they performed on me.  But it could so easily have gone the other way and changed my life forever.  I am grateful and thankful and soooo blessed and I need to remember that more and thank God for my life every day.

Changing seasons…changing life a little every day.

 

Learning to Let Go…

September 10, 2011

When you were 4 days old I went to the grocery store for the first time since you were born…it felt like I had left my arm behind.  You were a part of me.  I cried the whole time.

When you were 5 years old I put you on a school bus on the first day of kindergarten.  I smiled to cover my anxiety and sadness.  I followed the bus and watched you get off and go into the school.  I cried all day and didn’t stop until you got off the bus at the end of the day.

When you were 13 I had to let you go every other weekend.  I had to give you up for half of every holiday… and I died a little inside every time.  It never got easier, and I cried a lot. 

Today I moved you into your college dorm.  I helped you unpack and feather your new nest.  I am so excited for you, and I tried so hard to ease your fears, while pushing down my own. 

It seems like yesterday you were that newborn that I couldn’t bear to leave.  Today I drove away with an aching heart…sadness, pride, joyousness and thankfulness all fighting within me…

…while I cried.

Different Blessings…

June 19, 2011

Dear God,

This is hard.  It’s hard to be so much in need all the time.  It’s hard to see others with so much and have to continually battle envy.  It’s hard not to resent the “haves” and not cry about being a “have not.”

But then I stop.

I’m not a “have not,” I’m a “have less” with different blessings.  I have 2 children I love and who love me.  I have many REAL friends.  I have a great family, and I have had your presence to sustain me, Lord.

Help me to want less, Lord.

Help me to envy less and thank you more.

Help me to worry less about what I “have not” and be truly grateful for what I have.

Amen…

 

My Baby is 18!!

June 16, 2011

My Baby Is 18!!

I can’t believe it’s here…my darling daughter is 18 today.  18!!! 

There are so many things I haven’t taught her yet…so many failures on my part to teach her what she needs to know before she goes out into the world.  Table manners?  Check.  Wait an hour after eating before swimming?  Check. 

But she still doesn’t know how to budget or balance a checkbook…

 Can I get more time, Lord?? I’m not finished yet!

Back to the Garden…

June 15, 2011

I thought I had lost it forever. 

When I had to leave my home during my divorce, I left behind extensive gardens that I had been working on for more than 10 years.  Gardening was my passion, my creative outlet, my therapy. 

Then I had to leave it, and it was devastating.  I left that house in December, so in Wisconsin that means it wasn’t able to be dug up, and I was moving into a rental, anyway.  I felt the loss of my gardens keenly, and it hurt so much I stopped looking at gardens and landscaping, magazines and catalogs – all of it.  I thought the passion had died.

Last year my Dad tilled up the space between the two porches of my duplex.  I got a few plants “gifted” from friends gardens, and it made me happy.

This year?  The plants have  already been dug up and moved  around; I’ve bought new ones, divided some, potted several pots and baskets and am frustrated that I don’t have room for more!

It’s back.  The passion for gardening is flowing back through me and making me happy again.  It hadn’t died, it had just been pushed down while I dealt with all my other losses.  Now I know there will be other gardens in my life and that love will always be there when you are ready for it to blossom again.

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OK, no more excuses.

It’s time.

I’ve been planning this forever.

I’ve used too many excuses to delay starting.

“Someday” is here.

It has to happen.

I’m scared.

I’m excited.

I’m creating the life I want.

I’m going to become the person

I want to spend the rest of my life with.

I’m going to design a life for myself.

It’s time.

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