Learning to Let Go…

September 10, 2011

When you were 4 days old I went to the grocery store for the first time since you were born…it felt like I had left my arm behind.  You were a part of me.  I cried the whole time.

When you were 5 years old I put you on a school bus on the first day of kindergarten.  I smiled to cover my anxiety and sadness.  I followed the bus and watched you get off and go into the school.  I cried all day and didn’t stop until you got off the bus at the end of the day.

When you were 13 I had to let you go every other weekend.  I had to give you up for half of every holiday… and I died a little inside every time.  It never got easier, and I cried a lot. 

Today I moved you into your college dorm.  I helped you unpack and feather your new nest.  I am so excited for you, and I tried so hard to ease your fears, while pushing down my own. 

It seems like yesterday you were that newborn that I couldn’t bear to leave.  Today I drove away with an aching heart…sadness, pride, joyousness and thankfulness all fighting within me…

…while I cried.

I was sent the following poem by C. “Tillery Banks and  I  wanted to share it because it touched me:

My Tears Don’t Come Cheap Anymore

I don’t want to cry anymore about something that ain’t nothing

the price of my tears comes high now;

They come from a deeper well than before

Filled with visions I have never seen before

Filled with emotions I have never felt before

secrets I’ve nver know before.

Filled with children I have yet to birth

Joys I have yet to live and give

Magic I have yet to perform

Dreams yet to dream

Songs to sing that have not been sung

Dances to dance

And words to rhyme.

The well is deep

No, my tears don’t come cheap anymore.

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