Things I’ve Learned in My Emotional Pain #4…

This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into six items, and I am sharing each of these with you individually.

Be Patient and Understand the Way Things Are

Eradicating all emotional pain from your life is not realistic.  Sorry.  It’s just part of it.  You signed up for being a human.  To be human is to experience deep emotional pain.  Hate to tell you.  The emotional pain will be back.  It may even be back ten minutes after you feel you moved through it.  Part of the reason is also that you have been conditioned to respond to life the way you do, which  leads to deep emotional pain.  That’s not going to change overnight.  It’s going to take time and a lot of conscious effort on your part to process life differently and to deal with deep emotional pain.

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Things I’ve Learned in My Emotional Pain #5…

This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into six items, and I am sharing each of these with you individually.

Connect with the Real Deep Inside You

What allows you to be moved by the beauty of a sunrise?  How can a song on the radio or a scene in a movie bring you to tears?  What is that deep connection you sometimes feel with others?  How do you account for those out-of-the-blue moments of bliss when you feel free and at peace?  From where do these deep feelings of love and compassion come from?  Pay attention to your deepest feelings, and what stirs deep inside of you.  Stay connected to those deep feelings.  Listen to them.  Act on them.  Don’t skim life on the surface.  It may be that your deep emotional pain opens the door for you to be more aware and connected with the real you deep inside.

Things I’ve Learned in My Emotional Pain #3

This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into six items, and I am sharing each of these with you individually.

Don’t Look For a Solution in the Big Picture

Will I ever get through this?  Can I ever be happy again?  Will my life ever be better?  Is there any hope for me?  Is there a purpose?  Am I ever going to have the kind of life I desire?  Is it too late for me?  Am I too far gone?  Are things going to work out for me and my life?  What’s the future look like for me?  Etc.  Don’t look for a solution by searching for answers to these larger-than-life questions.  It’s torment.  The truth is that none of those questions can really be answered, and your emotional pain is likely to feed you negative answers to all the questions.  Don’t try to solve your present emotional pain by analyzing the possibilities of or lack thereof when it comes to how your life works out as a whole.

Forget about it!  Let it go.  Just do the next thing.  Life will resume.  Things will happen.  Good things will happen.  They may be small and simple things, but good nonetheless.  Maybe you have previously discounted these simple joys.   Don’t.  Ultimately, the satisfaction and fulfilment of your life is going to arise and flow out of your daily life and living…one hour at a time.  If you let yourself, you may let go of all the other questions entirely and find that fulfilment comes through simply showing up each moment to live and embrace the life that you have.  Seriously, what needs to change in order for you to be happy?  All the ingredients are already built into the everyday paths of your life.  Just live your life in the here and now and present moment.

It’s going to take a while but eventually a few things are going to dawn on you about your emotional pain.  Here are a few:

• My emotional pain won’t really kill me
• My emotional pain is not permanent and will go away
• There are things I can do, ways I can respond, choices that I am capable of making to help me through my emotional pain
• Everyone has deep emotional pain like I do.  I’m not a big loser because I feel this pain.
•  People aren’t going to hate me or write me off if I share my emotional pain

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.:” Proverbs 3:5-6

Things I’ve Learned in My Emotional Pain #2

Process Your Deep Emotional Pain With Someone Else

Here’s how it works.  You are in deep emotional pain, you are not capable of rational thinking, you feel like you’re going to die and be swallowed whole, you honestly can’t come up with a good reason to continue living, for all practical purposes you feel like there is nothing real beyond the pain except more of it. Okay, you need to tell someone all this. Preferably someone who realizes that all of this is normal for someone in deep emotional pain.  Hopefully a friend who loves and accepts you as you are.  Hopefully someone who can truly listen and not rush in to try and fix it or Bible-verse it away or slap a smiley face on it..

You need to share with someone the depths of your emotional pain.  There’s something about bringing that pain out into the light of a loving relationship that doesn’t necessarily take it away but makes it something you are more capable of digesting and enduring.  Deep emotional pain is like an elephant.  How do you eat an elephant?  It’s similar with emotional pain.  You’re probably not going to just pop out of it instantly.  Telling someone will take some of the edge off the pain and provide a little relief so you can keep moving through it.  This is critical when you are in deep emotional pain.  The care, concern, understanding, empathy, support, love and listening ear of another will help you put a little bit of distance between you and your pain.  At first, you can’t separate yourself from your pain.  By sharing it with someone else. it sort of becomes a “thing” to work through.  It’s not “you,” it’s more of a “thing” that you are experiencing and dealing with.

By Jim Palmer, author of Divine Nobodies

Stay tuned for Part 3…

Things I’ve Learned in My Emotional Pain…revisited

This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into  six items, and I will share each of these with you individually.

“Things I’ve learned in my emotional pain”    by Jim Palmer

By far this has been the most painful year of my life.  Heartache, loss, depression, loneliness, rejection, separation, despair, 2 near-death experiences and emotional pain so deep that it felt like I was going to die and hoped I would.  There were days I wondered if I was going to make it, felt hopeles,s and doubted if life could ever be good again.  I learned a few things about emotional pain in the process.

Here are six things to consider when in deep emotional pain:

1.  You are making it more real than it really is.

When in deep or catastrophic emotional pain, be aware that what you feel isn’t entirely real. Your emotional pain will sometimes tell you things that are not true, and prevent you from seeing aspect of the bigger picture from which you could draw hope.  This times I have been in deep emotional pain it felt like I was going to literally die or that I wanted to die.  It felt as if nothing else existed other than the unbearable anguish of my emotional pain.  I couldn’t imagine anything beyond the depth of my pain in that moment, and it felt like I was going to be swallowed whole by it.  I couldn’t conceive of surviving the pain and it felt like it would never end.

The fact that I am writing this post means that my emotional pain didn’t kill me.  Typically, emotional pain doesn’t kill people.  I survived to see another day.  The emotional pain subsided.  Sure, it came back.  But then it also subsided again.  You can’t really trust the depth of despair you often feel in deep emotional pain.  What it feels like doesn’ t really line up with reality.  So, just keep that in mind.  It won’t kill you.  It is not permanent.  There is something worth embracing and living outside your pain even though you are entirely blinded by it in the moment.