Learning to Let Go…

September 10, 2011

When you were 4 days old I went to the grocery store for the first time since you were born…it felt like I had left my arm behind.  You were a part of me.  I cried the whole time.

When you were 5 years old I put you on a school bus on the first day of kindergarten.  I smiled to cover my anxiety and sadness.  I followed the bus and watched you get off and go into the school.  I cried all day and didn’t stop until you got off the bus at the end of the day.

When you were 13 I had to let you go every other weekend.  I had to give you up for half of every holiday… and I died a little inside every time.  It never got easier, and I cried a lot. 

Today I moved you into your college dorm.  I helped you unpack and feather your new nest.  I am so excited for you, and I tried so hard to ease your fears, while pushing down my own. 

It seems like yesterday you were that newborn that I couldn’t bear to leave.  Today I drove away with an aching heart…sadness, pride, joyousness and thankfulness all fighting within me…

…while I cried.


OMG.  OMG!  I had a vision of a whole different life over the weekend. 

I blogged recently about a road trip I was taking with my kids, and some of the anxiety that it was causing me.  Then my brother showed me his new Garmin GPS unit.

My father got one of the first personal GPS units, and he took classes to try to figure the thing out.  It was complex and difficult.  That was the image of them I had in my mind, and I literally had no idea how user-friendly they had become.  Call me ignorant, but I was blown away by my brother’s new GPS.

This thing literally shows your car driving you down the road and talks to you to tell you what exits to take, etc.  It reconfigures the directions when you make a wrong turn or choose another route.  Best of all, even I could see how easy it was to figure out.  If I can use a cell phone, I can use this GPS!

I felt the tightness releasing from my shoulders as my brother showed me his GPS.  I could go anywhere!  No more worry about getting lost! No more holding back from going to strange places or big cities because I didn’t know where I was going.  All for only about $125 dollars.

OMG.  Independence.  Freedom.  Fearlessness!

Here I come, world.

January Road Trip

January 22, 2010

 We’re hitting the road tomorrow.

My daughter has to be a couple of hours away for an Honors Band for two days.  After we bring her there, my son and I are heading south a couple of hours to visit my brother and his family.  So, there will be a lot of driving involved.

Driving on trips is kind of a new thing to me.  During my marriage, my X always drove.  Always.  It was his thing, and I didn’t care.  We barely ever travelled anyway (he also wouldn’t fly) but after a number of years I realized I was timid about driving places (not that I went anywhere!)  After the divorce I have taken pride in several road trips we’ve made.  I’ve gone to Minneapolis a couple of times to visit another brother.  This isn’t my first trip to Madison.  We even went to South Dakota with my brother, and I was amazed that it wasn’t that complicated to get there.  I could have done it.

I can drive.  I’ve actually had my license longer than my X.  So why is driving places such a big deal?

It’s not.  I can drive to big cities.  If I get lost, I have a cell phone.  I have maps.  My son has an internet phone with GPS.  This is not rocket science. 

It’s just a road trip.

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