Life is Just So…

January 22, 2009

A Little Holiday Sparkle

A Little Holiday Sparkle

Years back there was a quote by Mary Engelbreit that said “Life is just so daily” and that just about sums up my life the past several months.  The essentials take over everything and crowd out creative time.  At our house it’s been sickness.  I had planned to use my January break to get caught up on things and have lots of unstructured creative time.  Ha!

I have had two -yes, two – bouts with the flu.  I am just feeling better, and this morning my son woke up sick.  January is nearly gone, and with February my final semester of college begins, meaning I will be buried in coursework.

Life is just so….daily!  Single motherhood is just so…intensely daily! 

Many hours while I lay sick, great ideas came to me.  The brain seems to go on being creative, even while the hands can’t.  I wrote things down, I made plans in my mind…all things I planned to do once I felt better.  But then life got “daily” again.

I miss the days when I could sit down and do art projects with the kids.  I didn’t even mind the messes so much because I could do something creative, not just the “daily” chores.  Now they are older, and while they still want me around, they want their cell-phones, iPods and xBox’s, not an afternoon of art.  They are intensely creative, just not in the same ways as me.  My daughter wants to be a graphic artist.  Making a video is her artistic outlet.  My son is talented also, but rarely wants to sit still long enough to paint.  Football beckons, electronic stimulation calls…

Life keeps on being “daily”.  How can I find time for the artist inside?

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Fulfillment

A Year Ago Today was a really difficult day for me.  One year ago today, April 18, 2007, my divorce was final.  A divorce I didn’t seek, didn’t want, and am still reeling from.  With all the tears and the trauma involved, it’s hard to find the silver linings, but we try.  It’s gotten to be a thing with me and the kids, looking for silver linings.  For example, none of us like chunky spaghetti sauce, but we made it that way “before” because X liked it that way.  So, one of our first silver linings was smooth spaghetti sauce.  Baby steps. 

And there have been lots more silver linings.  My friends and my family have kept me going and have not given up on me.  God has been ever-present and has made me so aware of these silver linings…one of the biggest has been this jewelry business.  It was my hobby business, the one that I kept small because X thought it might interfere with my being support staff for his business, and it might get too busy for me to take care of the kids the way I always had (alone, basically).  But now I see how God gave me this business that was already trying to grow to help me provide for my children during the upheavals of the past year.  I had not worked outside the home before the divorce, and due to the growth of my “hobby business”, I have been fortunate enough to still be working at home. 

Sometimes the inspiration isn’t there.  Sometimes I feel so sad I don’t want to create.  But at other times the ideas flow and the creativity won’t be quieted without hours at my beading table.  My children are so proud of me and I am learning to be proud of myself again.  I went through the Urban Hope program to learn more about entrepreneurship.  I am finishing up my Bachelor’s Degree that has been unfinished for 23 years.

A Year Ago Today, I thought my life was ending.  Sometimes it still feels that way.  But it hasn’t been the end, it’s just the beginning of something new.  I heard once that when we lose something it just makes room for something else to come into our lives.   I have gained much this year, and there’s still room for more.  I will get up tomorrow morning and continue to try to fill it with more silver linings

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