This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into six items, and I am sharing each of these with you individually.

Be Patient and Understand the Way Things Are

Eradicating all emotional pain from your life is not realistic.  Sorry.  It’s just part of it.  You signed up for being a human.  To be human is to experience deep emotional pain.  Hate to tell you.  The emotional pain will be back.  It may even be back ten minutes after you feel you moved through it.  Part of the reason is also that you have been conditioned to respond to life the way you do, which  leads to deep emotional pain.  That’s not going to change overnight.  It’s going to take time and a lot of conscious effort on your part to process life differently and to deal with deep emotional pain.

This is a great article by Jim Palmer of  Divine Nobodies .  A friend sent it to me, so I don’t know if it was on his blog or in a devotional, but it means a lot to me and I wanted to share it.  He breaks the things he learned down into six items, and I am sharing each of these with you individually.

Don’t Look For a Solution in the Big Picture

Will I ever get through this?  Can I ever be happy again?  Will my life ever be better?  Is there any hope for me?  Is there a purpose?  Am I ever going to have the kind of life I desire?  Is it too late for me?  Am I too far gone?  Are things going to work out for me and my life?  What’s the future look like for me?  Etc.  Don’t look for a solution by searching for answers to these larger-than-life questions.  It’s torment.  The truth is that none of those questions can really be answered, and your emotional pain is likely to feed you negative answers to all the questions.  Don’t try to solve your present emotional pain by analyzing the possibilities of or lack thereof when it comes to how your life works out as a whole.

Forget about it!  Let it go.  Just do the next thing.  Life will resume.  Things will happen.  Good things will happen.  They may be small and simple things, but good nonetheless.  Maybe you have previously discounted these simple joys.   Don’t.  Ultimately, the satisfaction and fulfilment of your life is going to arise and flow out of your daily life and living…one hour at a time.  If you let yourself, you may let go of all the other questions entirely and find that fulfilment comes through simply showing up each moment to live and embrace the life that you have.  Seriously, what needs to change in order for you to be happy?  All the ingredients are already built into the everyday paths of your life.  Just live your life in the here and now and present moment.

It’s going to take a while but eventually a few things are going to dawn on you about your emotional pain.  Here are a few:

  • My emotional pain won’t really kill me
  • My emotional pain is not permanent and will go away
  • There are things I can do, ways I can respond, choices that I am capable of making to help me through my emotional pain
  • Everyone has deep emotional pain like I do.  I’m not a big loser because I feel this pain.
  •  People aren’t going to hate me or write me off if I share my emotional pain

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.:” Proverbs 3:5-6

Process Your Deep Emotional Pain With Someone Else

Here’s how it works.  You are in deep emotional pain, you are not capable of rational thinking, you feel like you’re going to die and be swallowed whole, you honestly can’t come up with a good reason to continue living, for all practical purposes you feel like there is nothing real beyond the pain except more of it. Okay, you need to tell someone all this. Preferably someone who realizes that all of this is normal for someone in deep emotional pain.  Hopefully a friend who loves and accepts you as you are.  Hopefully someone who can truly listen and not rush in to try and fix it or Bible-verse it away or slap a smiley face on it..

You need to share with someone the depths of your emotional pain.  There’s something about bringing that pain out into the light of a loving relationship that doesn’t necessarily take it away but makes it something you are more capable of digesting and enduring.  Deep emotional pain is like an elephant.  How do you eat an elephant?  It’s similar with emotional pain.  You’re probably not going to just pop out of it instantly.  Telling someone will take some of the edge off the pain and provide a little relief so you can keep moving through it.  This is critical when you are in deep emotional pain.  The care, concern, understanding, empathy, support, love and listening ear of another will help you put a little bit of distance between you and your pain.  At first, you can’t separate yourself from your pain.  By sharing it with someone else. it sort of becomes a “thing” to work through.  It’s not “you,” it’s more of a “thing” that you are experiencing and dealing with.

By Jim Palmer, author of Divine Nobodies

Stay tuned for Part 3…

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