fat girl

That quote is from my friend Jackie.  I laughed so hard when she said it last week, then I had to write it down so I didn’t forget it.  It is so profound I can hardly stand it!

I have realized recently more than ever how my weight dictates my enjoyment of life.  I think sometimes of all the things I am not doing and will not do “until I lose weight.”  My life is on perpetual hold until that magic day when I wake up thin (I wish!).   I am constantly promising myself I will get a handle on things – tomorrow.  I will get on my bike – tomorrow.  I will eat better food and less of the bad stuff – tomorrow.  Then, because those tomorrows never come, my dreams for myself and my life are also never happening.  Staying overweight is keeping my life on hold and I need to understand how cowardly that is. 

I am afraid of living and hoping and trying and failing so I keep the weight on. I hate admitting that, but it’s the cold, hard truth.

So, I can’t blame anyone or anything for what I do or don’t do in life anymore.  I either have to adjust those dreams and accept myself at the size I’m at or I need to do something about it.  I don’t aspire to be the weight I was at 20, but I can be better than I am now. 

I have decided that I am more afraid of wasting (waisting?) my life being overweight than I am of actually doing the work of losing weight.

So here I go.  Wish me luck.

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