I was sent the following poem by C. “Tillery Banks and  I  wanted to share it because it touched me:

My Tears Don’t Come Cheap Anymore

I don’t want to cry anymore about something that ain’t nothing

the price of my tears comes high now;

They come from a deeper well than before

Filled with visions I have never seen before

Filled with emotions I have never felt before

secrets I’ve nver know before.

Filled with children I have yet to birth

Joys I have yet to live and give

Magic I have yet to perform

Dreams yet to dream

Songs to sing that have not been sung

Dances to dance

And words to rhyme.

The well is deep

No, my tears don’t come cheap anymore.

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Fulfillment

A Year Ago Today was a really difficult day for me.  One year ago today, April 18, 2007, my divorce was final.  A divorce I didn’t seek, didn’t want, and am still reeling from.  With all the tears and the trauma involved, it’s hard to find the silver linings, but we try.  It’s gotten to be a thing with me and the kids, looking for silver linings.  For example, none of us like chunky spaghetti sauce, but we made it that way “before” because X liked it that way.  So, one of our first silver linings was smooth spaghetti sauce.  Baby steps. 

And there have been lots more silver linings.  My friends and my family have kept me going and have not given up on me.  God has been ever-present and has made me so aware of these silver linings…one of the biggest has been this jewelry business.  It was my hobby business, the one that I kept small because X thought it might interfere with my being support staff for his business, and it might get too busy for me to take care of the kids the way I always had (alone, basically).  But now I see how God gave me this business that was already trying to grow to help me provide for my children during the upheavals of the past year.  I had not worked outside the home before the divorce, and due to the growth of my “hobby business”, I have been fortunate enough to still be working at home. 

Sometimes the inspiration isn’t there.  Sometimes I feel so sad I don’t want to create.  But at other times the ideas flow and the creativity won’t be quieted without hours at my beading table.  My children are so proud of me and I am learning to be proud of myself again.  I went through the Urban Hope program to learn more about entrepreneurship.  I am finishing up my Bachelor’s Degree that has been unfinished for 23 years.

A Year Ago Today, I thought my life was ending.  Sometimes it still feels that way.  But it hasn’t been the end, it’s just the beginning of something new.  I heard once that when we lose something it just makes room for something else to come into our lives.   I have gained much this year, and there’s still room for more.  I will get up tomorrow morning and continue to try to fill it with more silver linings

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